He Was Never A Bottom
by Shinigami Mothman
Summary: To prevent himself from falling into the errant feelings of adolescence, Mello seeks solace in L for a story. But the story was… not at all what he needed to hear. L & Beyond Birthday. 1 shot, L’s perspective, necrovoyeurism, and lemon


"He Was Never a Bottom" A story by L

Note: Oh God…

He wrote another one.

Another Note: (lol) I made A a female. Hope you all don't mind, but you'll understand why I did.

* * *

It was in the early spring, early enough to where it was still chilly outside, and the morning dew wasn't quite dew, but was also tiny flakes of ice that cascaded effortlessly from the bright blue sky.

But it was spring nonetheless, and in the spring comes a time when the world begins anew, and the plants unfurl their vivid blossoms, promising to be brighter and bigger than the last year. Animals begin to frolic around meadows and valleys, reuniting and playing amongst fields of brilliant colors. The aroma of freshness cleanses the streets of cities, and among the budding lilies and roses, budding romance awaits as well. Ready to unite two new wayward lovers into each other's embrace, or to resurrect the passion between two who have already fallen into the illness of ardor.

That was why Mello _hated_ spring.

He didn't just hate it, he detested it. He loathed, abhorred, despised, and scorned it. Shit, he was just downright repulsed by spring. Including all of its stupid bright colors.

But he hated this year's spring most of all, because once winter began to pass away, strange and unfamiliar feelings began to bloom inside of him as the days grew warmer and brighter. Feelings normally accompanied with growing boys in the spring.

Mello was going to turn twelve soon, so it wasn't any surprise to anyone, or to himself. He knew this part of his life would come, he just wished it wasn't so unpleasant.

Well, to be honest, it wasn't particularly unpleasant, but it did deter his attention away from his studies, which did nothing to help him in his battle against Near. Which was what was pissing him off.

Mello clenched his fists and kicked over a trash bin in his room. It collided into the wall and chocolate wrappers littered the floor as he yelled in fervent anger.

"That little mother fucker! Why is it that the little faggot doesn't have to go through this shit, but I DO??" His young voice boomed with an emerging bass, and testosterone flooded his arteries, and only worked to exacerbate his frustration.

After a few minutes of tearing up his room and cursing, Mello knew that nothing within his power could change the test scores from earlier that morning. He had studied, and knew everything on the test. Chemical equilibrium was the easiest thing in the world if you knew what you were doing, but alas… The test was timed, and for some reason, Matt looked quite handsome this morning, and his inadvertent movements would cause Mello to stare at him for a few time-wasting moments on end.

Mello sighed, and sat on his bed. Who else would understand his teenage anguish? Near wouldn't know anything, Matt wouldn't make such a fuss about it, and he doubted Wammy even remembered what puberty was. But there was always…

The German boy smiled, "L of course. He knows everything, and he's still young… He could tell me how to keep my mind off of sex!" He was quite lucky. L happened to be staying at the orphanage before his next case, and was ready to be asked anything that challenged his knowledge.

Mello scurried off, leaving his room in shambles, but willing to learn what it took to keep his mind from being infested with the pestilence of puberty.

After looking in the detective's room, the library, the garden, all the foyers, the pantry, the other library, the walk-in freezer that locked by itself if you weren't careful (with fear and trembling), the roof, and Near's closet (he wondered if Near really did have those hormonal feelings as well, and managed to capture L in a sad attempt to go on a date with him), but to no avail.

The blond was stumped, so he shrugged and walked into one of the bathrooms to relieve himself. But as he opened the door, he found the detective emptying his bladder at one of the urinals, staring at the wall sheepishly.

Mello mentally kicked himself and trotted over to the urinal next to L, and unzipped his black jeans gingerly. They both remained silent, the only sound was the sound of pee hitting marble until L glanced down at Mello and spoke up.

"Ah, I see puberty has definitely left its physical mark on you, Mello."

Mello looked down at himself and then looked back up. "Er… yeah…" The comment made him feel strangely awkward.

"I meant by the hair starting to grow on your face."

The boy blushed, "OH! Yeah, I know you meant that." He felt so stupid.

A small grin tugged at the corners of L's mouth, and he shook himself, then zipped his pants. He flicked his hand under the flush sensor, and smiled at the swirling water, amused.

Mello finished as well, and before L could finish washing his hands, Mello said, "Um, I've actually been meaning to ask you something L."

The detective looked at him and dried his hands, "What is it Mello?"

He wasn't sure how to ask, but he knew he wanted to get the awkward part over with. The blond scratched his head and stared at a roach on the ceiling, which looked especially interesting.

"It's funny you mentioned puberty actually, because that's what I wanted to ask you about." He looked at his feet and blushed.

L cocked his head for him to continue.

"Well, um… Sometimes it gets hard to concentrate, and I wanted to know if you knew how to keep stuff like that out of mind…"

L didn't smile, but put a finger to lips to ponder an answer. After a few seconds, he spoke.

"You can't."

Mello didn't think beforehand it would be this hopeless, so he was at a loss at what to say.

"Oh… Well, I'll just go then." He turned around to leave, until L put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's difficult, I understand. But you can't stop those incessant thoughts from plaguing your mind, but you can think about other things 95 percent of the time. That's what I do."

Mello looked up at him, "Really?"

L closed his eyes, "That's the difficult thing about life, Mello. Some things, you just can't prevent." He leaned towards Mello, and then added, "Just between you and I, perverse urges like that are inevitable, but can be… _dealt with_." L's face became blank, and he stood up again, albeit, still slightly hunched.

The successor frowned, "I see. But what about Near? It's not fair that he doesn't have this problem and I do."

L chewed on his fingertip, "Cheer up Mello, Near's time will come as well."

The younger one seemed happy at this statement, "Okay L."

"Anytime, Mello."

The blond turned to leave again, but why take off when you could make good use of your situation?

L already had his hands in his pockets and his usual blank expression with his mind set on the walk-in freezer, but Mello tugged at his shirt.

His eyes darted to the shorter one, "Yes, Mello?"

Mello thought for a moment, "You know how you told me that story of how you solved that case in LA?"

A familiar sort of nostalgia crept up into L's dark eyes and he nodded.

Mello smiled brightly, "Do you have another story that you could tell me? Maybe about Beyond Birthday?" He loved hearing L talk about his past cases, and he loved it especially knowing that Near never got to hear any of these.

For a second, it looked like L was about to refuse, until he mulled a few things around his head and he decided to sit down on top of one of the sinks.

L rubbed his eyes, "Alright. Just as long as you don't tell anyone about this one." He stared at the white ceiling with no obvious expression as he waited for Mello to join him on top of the other sink.

The successor bounded up on the sink next to him and tottered for a moment until he could find his balance.

"Thanks L. This should keep my mind free from those 'incessant thoughts' for the time being." Yay. Story time!

The detective almost smiled and he quickly glanced at Mello.

"Do you believe in love, Mello?"

Mello took an instant to think, then replied, "No."

"Good, neither do I. This story does not involve love, so don't stray to believe such petulant idiocracies. Imaginative insignificant Romantic ideals like that do not exist, and especially in what I'm about to tell you."

Mello turned to him, his expression engaged and irrevocable.

L's thumbnail hooked underneath one of his central maxillary incisors and he thought of what to say next.

"Well, at the time of this occurrence, I wasn't quite as young as you, but I was much younger than I am now. Young enough to still make foolish mistakes, even for my genius." L looked away.

Mello nodded for him to continue.

The detective kept his gaze off and distant, "It was a few years ago before Beyond Birthday decided to leave to LA…

* * *

It was actually during the funeral of my first successor, A. You see, I believe she was incredibly capable of taking over as a detective, but I feel as though she had some… psychological problems towards the end.

Beyond and I walked down a poignant little park in the late November. He normally kept to himself those days (well, he always did, as long as I've known him), but his demeanor always had this amused sort of countenance about it. However, on this particular day, he actually seemed almost depressed. It wasn't really like him.

'What's wrong Beyond', I asked. Certainly he wasn't upset about her death, could he? As far as he had demonstrated, he was emotionally deficient (though slightly deranged as well).

He said nothing, but merely glanced at me, bemused, allowing me to ponder his motive for appearing so despondent.

'Beyond', I said as I wrapped the woolen scarf another time around my neck and shoved my hands in my pockets. 'You have no reason to fret.'

He suddenly turned towards I, and with a seriousness that was alien to his features, he asked, 'How so?'

My gaze ascended towards saturnine clouds that hung lumpy and grey in a dismal sky.

'We'll all die someday, she just got a head start. Don't worry about it so much.' I was amused with myself as I chuckled mentally at this comment. It was witty, was it not?

The look in his eyes told me it was quite the antithesis of witty.

The air upon was then solid and awkward, and we trudged through dead leaves in each other's silence.

I knew then I was not such a person as to seek solace in. I could not even bring myself to comfort (not that I needed any emotional support). I debated my abilities to socialize for a few moments in my head as I walked. Unbeknownst to me was his watchful gaze, piercing my soul for whatever reason I intrigued him with.

'She wasn't like you enough', he said finally.

'I bet your pardon?'

He still stared at me and I was almost positive something glowed behind those eyes.

'Maybe that's why she murdered', he said, before walking away from me.

Beyond Birthday. Always elusive, even with his words.

Whenever A died, I naturally wanted to see her body for myself. Be it a detective's instinct, but I felt I would shed some light on an issue that was beginning to stir in my brain if I performed an autopsy on her remains.

However, Watari (Wammy as everyone knows him) knew immediately what I'd want to do to the unfortunate successor's corpse. So taking full advantage of his almost paternal control over me, he blackmailed me with, 'If you mutilate her body in any way before she is buried, I will make certain that you won't have any sweets for a week. The children already have had enough hardship dealing with her loss. You don't need to traumatize them any longer by putting a torn up corpse into the casket for her wake.'

I agreed to this, grudgingly on the surface, but at this point, my head was already brewing with ideas. You see, he said not to perform an autopsy 'before she is buried'. What happens after is a loophole he could not use against me. And even if he did, how could he argue if his nitroglycerin suddenly went missing?

So after my surreal stroll through the park with Beyond , I waited until after dark to excavate the grave. I won't go into depth about the procedure itself, but we shall say that I had dirt in places I wouldn't have imagined before, even after taking multiple baths.

I took the cadaver to the operating room below ground. (You know, that place the adults said was just a storage room? I do autopsies in there. Oh, I didn't know it was right below your room, Mello.) Anyway, I set her upon the table under bright fluorescent lights and stripped her completely. And you know how I said that 5 percent of the time, you cannot help but think those 'incessant thoughts', despite spending every moment involved in methodical thinking and intricate analysis? That was one of those times. But I held my psychological buttress, and began the procedure with a 'Y' incision upon her ventral side.

Although she was very dead, her white body was still exceptionally pliant and soft. Her eyes were glassy and stared motionlessly at the ceiling above her, and her gaze lacked vibrancy, or the vitality that adorned those who are alive. However, she was still beautiful in her own way--cold, lifeless limbs hung off her body like a fragile doll that had been thrown supine on the floor. Her pallor didn't seem to make her any less sensual, as the adipose tissue of her exquisite breasts lay beautifully shaped. Supple, and smooth in texture, each of which was punctuated with a small grey nipple. Blue veins could be traced just below her skin, and my eyes followed their path down her marble-like torso and the soft flesh below, as well as her open legs.

It was almost a shame to have to mutilate her in such a way, but after a few moments of watching her bloodless remains, I began what I set out to do.

The blade of the shears lowered slowly to her abdomen, and the tip of which dimpled her taut skin. I tilted them and added slight pressure, and the metal pierced her belly, drawing nothing but embalming fluid from her enticing insides. The shears penetrated her smoothly, and slid inside of her in one motion. Mello, stop fidgeting. Well, I began cutting up from there, and started my exploration of her person from the inside out. Taking out organs and analyzing them, weighing them, and performing further tests on the corpse.

Then at long last did I remove her uterus for further measurement, when I realized it was slightly above the average weight for a female her size. Being the inquisitive detective that I am, I sliced open the organ and found nothing other than an amniotic sac and the tiny dead embryo that was within it.

By that point, I knew I wasn't just dealing with a suicide, but an intended _homicide_ of the unborn child. Perhaps her motive had been to kill the child as well as killing herself, given that Beyond knew that she was pregnant. But the presence of his knowledge of that fact, as well as his current demeanor had me come to the conclusion that Beyond was the father. So that seemed to complicate things…

My feelings about this were quite ambivalent. Of course I felt some sort of sympathy for Beyond, I'm sure it's painful to lose someone who's also carrying your child, but part of me was glad that the truth of her pregnancy did not find the light of day. In fact, Watari wouldn't have allowed her to be my successor if he would've found out what she was hiding, and would've done all he could to help her. To this day, I feel as though if she would've known that, she and the child might still be here right now… Oh well, she was dead, and there was no changing that.

After disposing of her corpse in a dumpster from giving up at trying to sew her body back up together, I went to go pay Beyond a visit. In an attempt to… _reconcile_ any adverse thoughts he might have.

I knocked on his door with a platter full of chocolate cake and strawberry jam (as he quite liked jam, and I believe he still does). Though, I wasn't all too sure whether or not I should bother him during this time of loss, my curiosity of his psychological processes got the best of me.

He opened the door hesitantly, but quickly let me in once he knew who it was. Beyond set the cake on top of a computer desk and took the jam for himself.

I sat in a chair in my usual manner, and he followed suit almost exactly.

A steady grin was starting to spread upon his face, 'Is there something you need… L?'

I wasn't sure how to say what I was meaning to without sounding too blunt. But I doubted much would ever affect him. He always seemed too detached to feel anything.

My eyes closed for a mental pause, and I opened them again, 'A was pregnant, wasn't she?'

His gaze averted from me, but from that it was a mental agreement to my statement.

'Where is her body at this moment?'

'Probably in a dump truck by now.'

An unbalanced composure seemed to stretch its way across his countenance. For this I felt _almost_ apologetic.

But as soon as that look arrived, his emotions changed again to reveal the insipid demeanor of thoughts ricocheting back and forth in his mind.

He smirked, then almost chuckled. 'She never liked being on the bottom anyway.' He placed his chin on one of his knees, complacent.

I didn't want to imagine he was referring to intercourse, but I was 92 percent sure that's what he was talking about.

'Hmm…', I said, 'That's interesting.'

His eyes shot towards me, 'Do you want to try some of my jam?'

I glanced at the reddish-pink jar he held, the insides of which he had already managed to desecrate and eat.

'Sure'. I shrugged and slipped two fingers tentatively along the inside of the jar to scoop a little of the substance. It was delicious and perfectly sweet, but the manner of eating it was too sordid for my preferences.

Noticing my discomfort, Beyond took my hand and gave my fingers an experimental lick. I doubted at first whether or not he had any ill thoughts in mind, but now I understand I cannot fathom what was occurring between those enigmatic synapses in his brain.

My jaw slackened a little, but I did nothing to stop him. He looked at me and continued, flicking a warm tongue along my index and middle finger. Then he opened his mouth, almost obediently, to engulf them in his mouth and suck on them gently, to allow them to go farther and farther towards his throat.

I gasped but did not pull back. Neither could I when I looked into his wanton eyes, glowing red with an amalgamation of lust and vengeance.

Our lips met and his slippery tongue slid under my upper lip, toying with the sensitive flesh. Our tongues fondled each other along with the taste of gelatinized strawberries, and I felt ourselves fall onto his bedroom floor."

* * *

Mello suddenly interrupted, "Why didn't you fight back, L? Why did you let him do that?"

L's expression was not only blank, but almost entirely nonplussed, "Why would I fight back?"

Mello didn't want to bother to ask anymore.

"Let me continue with my story. Anyway…

* * *

He bit my neck in a gentle but sensual manner, and yet hard enough to send chills through my body and make me rake my nails against his back.

Beyond removed my shirt and traced his fingers tenderly down my chest and abdomen. My heart was thudding against my ribcage, and I allowed him to pour over me as I lay not unlike the corpse I defiled just hours before. My thighs gripped him and he started unfastening my jeans.

I shuddered once he tasted my collarbone and began to proceed lower, but I tugged at his hair for him to look up at me.

'Why am I on my back? I'm older.'

He smirked at me. That deranged smirk I was familiar with. 'I apologize, L. I would ask if I may be on top, but asking that would be irrelevant. I am always dominant.'

I could only do so much as to allow him to straddle me, since that was the only way this would happen. But you know, it wasn't unpleasant at all--being the passive bottom. Just as long as he was an aggressive top.

And I'll tell you something Mello, as far as I know, he had never been a bottom.

Beyond managed to peel off my clothing, as well as half of his own, discarding all of it onto the carpet of his bedroom. His hands tortured me. Rubbing into my skin, massaging me, pulling me apart to where it was so pleasurably delectable. I tried to cover my mouth to prevent a whimper from escaping, but he caught my wrist and pinned it above me, and so he relished in the submissive feminine sound.

I knew not at what exact time he had removed his jeans, but it was right after that when he pulled my thighs apart and dipped his fingers in the jar of jam.

My head was spinning, and I held onto his shoulders as if I'd fall from the floor. He sucked at my skin while his hands slid under me and a slickened finger squirmed its way deftly into an orifice not normally used for intercourse.

His index finger moved in and out of my body, taking every care to be gentle. My breath hitched once he stroked a spot in me that sent chills up me vertebrae.

I let out a soft, 'oh', and my head tilted sideways in an attempt to breathe easier. My erection was starting to throb at this time and whines escaped from the back of my throat for him to hurry.

He was completely concentrated in the job at hand, but not without his usual playful guise. Beyond inserted another finger, and continued to stretch me until he pulled them out with haste.

I remember I wasn't able to process all that was happening to me; I merely _felt._ My mind was lost temporarily, amidst an empty sea that smelled faintly of strawberries.

Reality took hold of me when I felt his penis grind against my entrance. My fingers dug into his back and he lifted up my torso slightly to gain leverage, but there was an aching pain when he tried to penetrate me.

We shifted our positions slightly, and once I said, 'there', did the head of his length manage to seek entrance and slide in.

He purred and gripped my hips so he could press the rest of his cock in me further. It was a strange feeling--quite uncomfortable at first, but once it manages to gain entrance, it's another experience all on its own.

The successor started slow at first, testing my reaction with every movement of his hips. It felt wonderful. My body accepted him fully and seemed especially responsive whenever he would brush his fingers over my nipples or when he'd kiss my swollen lips. He began to progress faster and harder until I couldn't realize where I was anymore.

Beyond pumped in and out of me, shaking my body by relentlessly moving me up and down his cock. My hands tugged at his hair for him to go faster, as he kept hitting my prostate with every thrust. His movements were perfect and my toes curled in my climaxing euphoria.

It was incredibly sexy the way he dominated my physical senses and made me writhe in wonderful bliss. He began to move erratically and once every few movements, he would pull out completely and then slam against me again, forcing me to buck against him and mutter his name. Endless sweeping motions of exhilaration enraptured my body like ocean waves, and he gave no mercy to my pleas and gasps. His eyes were wild with lust and his mouth open to pant hurriedly in concentration. I held onto him for dear life, so that he wouldn't ever stop.

I moaned quite loudly once he fisted my weeping shaft, and I knew then I wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. As I lay there moaning, with my knees trembling, his tongue slithered against my throat and the sensation was unbearable at that point.

After a few more thrusts, I shuddered and I felt myself clench around him once my ecstasy reached its highest peak. Pleasure commanded my body, and I cried out when it grabbed hold of me. It was like a fiery storm of chaos trying to force its way from my body.

My thighs clutched him tightly and warm semen spurted against his and my slickened bodies. I then saw him mouth words that I still to this day have no idea how he ever found out, and a sudden hotness filled me.

We remained still for a few moments until detumescence set in, and we separated. He kissed me lightly on the lips before I stood up to leave.

I clothed myself and he just sat there nude, staring at me. As I went to the door (with my cake of course), he got up and embraced me, and nudged my ear with his nose.

'I love you', he said.

'I don't love you', I replied, then walking out the door, leaving him broken and dejected.

I think that was whenever he went insane."

* * *

Mello's eyes were wide and vacant.

"WOW…"

L put a thumb to his lips and pondered for a moment.

"Yes, that experience in particular I seemed to have recollected in quite a bit of detail."

Mello was still in shock.

"L?"

"Yes Mello?"

"You know you've given me something to masturbate to for the next few months, right?"

"I'm not sure whether to apologize or say 'you're welcome'."

"It doesn't matter. I'm going to go to my room now."

End Note: Dedicated to my 3 older siblings. Who always come to me with their weird relationship stories and requests to wax their back hair. Oh, and also to my LJ friends, who listen to me about my crazy yaoi sex and lack thereof.


End file.
